Mom: If I'm not worth their time, no money
DEAR ABBY: I divorced my narcissistic husband after our children were raised. Over the years, I have tried to have a relationship with all of my children and their families.
When I asked one of them for a three-day weekend with her children, she texted me saying they all had a lot going on. Then she added, “Maybe next year.” I may not be here next year!
I know she may never read this, but it doesn’t matter to me if it will help someone who does read it. I have decided to change my will. If I’m not worth my children’s time, they don’t deserve my money.
WORTHLESS UP NORTH
DEAR WORTHLESS: Could it be possible that your daughter and her family are actually busy? Not knowing how you raised your children, it’s hard to render an opinion, but from your reaction, you appear to have a troubled relationship with this daughter.
Rather than disinherit her, try to find out what motivated her to text what she did so fences can be mended. If that’s not possible, then you have every right to reallocate your assets as you wish.
DEAR ABBY: I have a huge problem with low self-esteem. For most of my life I was ridiculed, teased and bullied, not only by my classmates and co-workers, but also by my own family.
It started when I was very young and continued well into my early 30s. (I am 35 now.) Because of this, I find it incredibly difficult to date anyone.
I always seem to find it easier to talk down about myself than to make myself happy.
Please help me, Abby. I’m at a loss about what to do.
SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES IN OHIO
DEAR ISSUES: I’m glad you wrote. The seeds of low self-esteem were planted when you were so young you didn’t understand what was being done was a form of abuse. Because it continued for so long, you should seek professional help to overcome it.
It is important that you get it from a licensed therapist. Your physician or your insurance company can refer you to qualified people. Please don’t wait.
DEAR ABBY: Prior to meeting me, my husband was in a long-term relationship with a woman, “Karen,” who was also a close friend of his sisters. Their relationship and the friendships ended due to Karen’s behavior. Years passed, and then my husband met me.
Now, 10 years later, the sisters have decided to befriend Karen again. This would normally not be an issue, but Karen is invited to all family parties and weddings. It is very uncomfortable for my husband and me, as we feel we don’t have the option to skip these events.
I have tried to quietly object, but I’m being painted as “immature.” Please help.
UNCOMFORTABLE IN ILLINOIS
DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: If you and your husband prefer not to socialize regularly with Karen, you certainly don’t have to.
However, your discomfort with her does not entitle you to insist your sisters-in-law exclude her from all of their parties. Attend the ones you must, make the best of them, and send your regrets for the rest.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order “How to Be Popular.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447.